I’ve got about two or three posts in various stages of completion. This makes me feel very unbalanced and unorganized– a physical manifestation of how I am being pulled between many different places, themes, needs and all of them need a voice, none of them have my complete attention for long enough… Many would call this a luxury problem and they would probably be right on some level.
A few weeks ago I spent a day with my kids. It was a school recess for them and they had an entire week off. Instead of going away someplace which is what many families do, we stayed home because of a number of extenuating circumstances–one of them being my work. I had a business trip that started over the holiday weekend and ended smack dab in the middle of their break.
Something about traveling on business when it’s a school holiday is you see lots of families traveling together and the ache of missing your own family begins to grow ever so much more. I missed brushing my daughters hair and holding my sons hand. I missed laughing at their funny faces, I even missed telling them to brush their teeth. And at night, when they were fast asleep, I missed snuggling up next to my husband and having him kiss me goodnight and good morning everyday — a constant affirmation that I am loved and needed by my partner in crime even when we are on seemingly different schedules and body clocks.
There is something about coming home that is like pressing “reset.” Even when coming home means walking into a bit of a frenzy. Anyone with kids knows what I am talking about. There are schedules, practices, calendars and plans that are made that have nothing to do with your own agenda and as they get older it doesn’t get easier. I have been kept cloistered from this for the most part since meeting and marrying my husband, the step-father to my two children from my first marriage, almost five years ago. As a stay-at-home-dad he does the balancing act of who goes where, and who needs what and how to get it all to happen. When I travel his responsibilities kick into higher gear and I always marvel at how well he adapts. The inner workings of a family are inherently nimble and mysterious — the magical recalibration that happens as needs and situations shift is as invisible as air yet they are so durable they could withstand any tornado that hits it.
So nothing is less in flux except I’m now (almost) one more blog post down. The kids are back in school and we are back to our regular schedules which brings about it’s own challenges — finding pockets of quality time, remembering to stop and enjoy tiny moments and of course planning for the next school vacation which is very soon. My husband and I were having a tense(ish) discussion the other day and he said something to me which reminded me to come back to writing this post — he said “we both need to press the reset button” and I felt like, gee…he has no idea how much we are on the same page. That’s a wonderful thing to know about your partner in life and they say knowing is half the battle. I think the other half can be whatever you make of it… And knowing you can reset it at anytime.